is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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