I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize