I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
