My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
