I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
