I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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