In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
