it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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