So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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