He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How does it feel to date your dad?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
