OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This can only be settled by a dance off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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