im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
