Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize