Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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