i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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