I think I am morally bankrupt
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
