Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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