too bad you live with your parents still
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
