she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
