I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
