its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
