STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
