16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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