I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
