apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
