I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
