Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize