I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
