It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
