he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
