whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
