Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
