Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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