You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
