is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I came so hard my ears popped.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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