I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
