My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
