either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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