u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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