i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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