So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've blown a few things in my day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
