I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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