Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
