just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
