I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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