So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
