do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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