There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
