Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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