woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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