dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
