bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
