I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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