if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
