Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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