I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
