Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
