I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
