you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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