So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I could fuck to npr.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
