Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
