hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
