I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You left your phone here
Wait...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize