Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize