Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
