he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Someone signed my nipple.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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