can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
