and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
