you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
