Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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