Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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