So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
