it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
