you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
