Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
As shirtless as possible
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize