If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize