Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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