what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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