dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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