I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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