you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
