She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
