I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
