I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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