Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize