Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
