Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
