sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
