They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
