My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
