I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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