I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love you. Go after that dick
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
