I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize