I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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