She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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