i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
