JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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