And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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