Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
