Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
