cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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