I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
