giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
