Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
