True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
