My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
