Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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