Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
