I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
