I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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