About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
