You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
