Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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