thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just had sex on a roof
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
