I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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