DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
