physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
worst night to have a conscience
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
