I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
